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Aug. 25th, 2019



Im thinking about stepping away from FB. I spend too much time on my phone, and checking into FB is on the top of that time suck. I also kinda have started to get a bitter, drowning, feeling from it...

I think putting myself on restriction from it is good...

But after 20 years of writing down my thoughts on the internet's i guess here i am again.

For the last 6 months or so my anxiety flows directly into depression, which flows into the fuzzies, which empties into anxiety. Im used to this pattern, but normally it is stretched out over half a year. Lately it is on hyperdrive. Thanks to all the flux with B's work, we have spent more time uninsured than insured this year, and it will be a few weeks until i can even figure out who i can see locally, but i will go in this time...

B's work stuff is settling down. I really thought he was just going to drag up from H&M.... Now he is inspecting and genuinely happy. That they are paying him so well likely helps.

The boys still are. Elijah finished school last May. Ean should finish this year. I cannot believe that we homeschooled the whole darn thing.

Eli plans on taking a gap year to save up a bit before starting school again. Still plans on going into nursing. He has worked nights at homedepot for about 6 months now, and while doesnt love it, doesnt hate it. First week of the month he went to Ill to visit Kayla. ♡ so proud of him for being so brave. I wouldnt have been able to do it! He said he really likes her family and feels that he fit in with them well. I wonder if he is thinking about moving out there, but he denies it, so we will see. Id rather he waits till they are both finished with college, but young love and all that jazz.

Ean plans on nothing more than waking up tomorrow. He kvetchs quite a lot about "what am i gonna dooooo?" But doesnt make much effort or movement in the getting on with it... he gets that from me. At least he will always be around to water the cats when i go on vacations..

Leaving on Thursday for White Sands NM for a little mini vacation.Last time i was there it was 1988, when we moved from Cali back to OK. ♡ excited to spend a few days with B, thankful that he has a really long weekend off. I really didnt want to go to pecos and just sit around while he was at work. Finding a cabin proved impossible, and im really notoriously the worst at picking hotels offline, so *fingers crossed* that the place i chose will be decent.

Jun. 15th, 2015


(no subject)

spent sunday trying to get caught up on laundry. What a total pain in the ass. Ean oddly only had one outfit in a weeks worth of laundry. :/ this happens every summer. Im going to have to think about what he is wearing and force him to change and shower. Freaking gross kid. (but drats, making him be clan makes even more laundry! Boo! Hiss!)

I told B aout my train ride plans, and if he goes back to PA around t fourth, then i will buy tickets for sept. :) talked about staying at one of the silly themed sweetheart hotels up through the poconos or niagra falls.

As always with Bs work we are in hurry up and wait mode. There is a possiblity that he will be sent to indiana/illiois, but most likely he will be back in PA. He is working in WV, but this whole week looks like it will be a rain out. :/ always something.

Tomorrow morning i think i will try to get my bike out before it gets warm and ride down to the river front park. Havent been in a while and i would like to see if anyone is using the kayak draw they built.if the water isnt too high maybe the kids can wade around and tube for a while.

Jun. 13th, 2015


(no subject)

gained something like 8-10 lbs since B left. Gar. I worked my tail off to get down to 117, was fine with leveling off at 122, but i really am not ok with letting it slowly gain back... but not ok enough to stop myself from eating a whole bag of gummie bears last night.. or getting back into drinking soda... or eating most of a loaf of sourdough bread... i swear, i need some one on my case 24/7 anymore.

Chance what did you eat today? Chance, why havent you folded this laundry... or brought in that stuff from the line from last night? Chance, dishes! You cooked in this a week ago! Sitting around all day is not that healthy.... remember?

All things i have slacked off with badly as of late.

Ugh. None of these things are hard things, but i just have so little will to do them.

for some reason the local movie theaters page is down so i cannot check movie times... guess i will swing by there in a few to see about tickets for the boys and tillie to watch jurassic world. i will not be watching it... between how cold theaters are and how loud, my poor old lady self just cannot handle it. Heh.

Jul. 23rd, 2013


(no subject)

Oh for fucks sake. For some reason our insurance is not in effect... the company he works for says it should be, his hall says it should be, the company that carries the insurance says it shouldn't.... he started early may, and the way we timed it we had hours banked till late may, so we were so happy not to have a lapse and now this.

Arghaghhh. b is calling to get it all straightened out, but it sounds like it is going to take some time....Ean will never get to see a doctor at this rate.

I just want one thing to go off without a hitch. Every little thing has been three times the work than it needs to be for much much too long.

I spent the day doing nothing at all. Heck, I didn't even leave the yard. I tried to do laundry but foiled myself by washing a load and then loading it back into the washer. I'm just losing my damned mind over here, nothing to see.

Been planning to have a yardsale for a month and some but like most everything else I have it three quarters finished and just can't find it in me to finish up. If I knew people would show up i'd just freecycle it all. A neighbor tried a free yardsale, but people made such a mess of everything I know that isn't smthing I would be down with.

If only my car was running, id take a few loads down to the thrift shops. :/

Tomorrow I have to ride over to my dad and tin as to feed their cats... gah, I would have asked tina to bring the cats over here if they were only indoors cats. I really don't mind riding over there, just having to wake up early enough to get over there before it gets too warm. At least I get my exercise in early this way.

Jul. 22nd, 2013


(no subject)

Well, I'm going to start writing over here more. I need an outlet. I am going crazy.

I have been having what I call 'rolling panic attacks' lately. I cannot figure out what is triggering them, unless it is just stir crazy... idk. I feel like in am about to break any moment, everyday. Its been happening for 2 weeks, and I have a drs appointment in a few, I guess I'll bring it up when I go in. Sigh.

I've also been extra antisocial. And lazy... sigh... I think we can all see where this is heading. I need to break the cycle before I head back down depression road.

My car is finally going into the shop this week... smthing is wrong with the transmission and it has been sitting in the driveway for the last month... maybe even month and a half. First we had to save up enough to pay for the worst case (new tranny....) then I had to talk b into calling the mechanic for me. More proof my broken is showing though more than normal. I just couldn't handke calling them. It was terrifying times 10.

Hope hope hope they can fix it quickly so I can go see my sister and family. After all the drs appointments I have lined up....

Ean, out of the blue the otherday , showed me how he has a weird bod and he does indeed... the right hand side of his ribs/chest is normal, the left is flat, like nearly concave. :/ waiting for a drs appointment to open up or mid aug to figure out wtf that is all about.....

B has been away since may. Sigh.

Sigh Forever,
Chancie Downer

Feb. 6th, 2013


(no subject)

wow... I jumped over here to search for my post about when I had to learn how to use a non-electric can opener and noticed that I havent posted since Aug. :| 

Boy time really flies when absolutely nothing has been happening. 

Around Thanksgiving Brandon came home, and home he has been. 

We really don't know anything more than sometime in the next 2 months he will head out to somewhere. SD, ND,TX, WY, UT, WV, OH, OK, you name it, if oil in any form has ever been found there they are working it right now.


hopefully he is nearby this time. Last year was just all too much for us. too many miles, too many short jobs, too much bullshit. 

Anyhow, there is remarkably little else to write about. normal day to day life that while in the moment you can write about, but months removed you just remember being around.  

Brandon's dad is doing better, finally working again.
My dad moved into town.
School is going extremely well with Eli, like normal.  It's challenging as always with Ean. 

Last month we had to put old Bruiser down. <3 I miss him every day.
B and the boys want a cocker spaniel. I kinda want no dog until the spring.

lol, I wont swear to be back every day or anything, but the better part of a year will not pass without a post again!


Aug. 13th, 2012


(no subject)

Well, maybe B isn't coming home for a week or two after all. A much better job possibility is opening up there in PA and it would be silly to drive all the way home and then back up to the east coast and it will take a month or so to learn which way the wind will blow...

I think that next week I will just go get new tires for the toyota and get the fluids changed and get ready to drive up to WV. He needs his winter gear if he is staying up there, I really want my volvo and dang, I want to see him before the snow flies and we really can't get to one another. 

Family motto: plans, we don't need no stinking plans. (they will all be changed in the last minute anyhow. :|)

Aug. 12th, 2012


(no subject)

Sounds like B will be coming home next weekend between jobs, Still not sure if he will be heading to TX or back to WV, or even when he will need to be there, but we are crossing our fingers for TX. lol, if you have too work outdoors in the winter it is an easy choice. :)

We are hoping that he will get home Tues the 21 and get to stick around till the Sat before Labor day. agh, and after 3 months, I am ready for him to come home for a few weeks! (lol, and to get my car home! :p) 

I guess this pushes school back to labor day, but oh well. I still need to send off the letter of intent and since I fail at mail, Eli's test results from last year. heh. oops. 

I think we will have a yardsale next weekend too... I need to spend this week sorting through stuff and purging. :\ not my favorite thing ever, but really, we have a lot of things that we have finished using over the last year (tons of *fat* clothes, school stuff for littles, random bs that needs to go, a baby bike, books that are not worth keeping around) and some stuff that made the move but never even left the garage because we didn't need it after all. lol, not to mention maybe I can pawn a kitten or two off on someone. 

I have been off the diet wagon for 2 weeks now and I am maintaining just fine without it. Been running on the treadmill around 10 for 30 mins, doing that exercise game on the ps3 for 20 mins or so afterwards and going for a 3 mile jog/walk at least every other evening. lol last year if you would have told me that I would be here this year I would have laughed in your face. I was pretty sure that I was just going to keep jumping around from 155-170 for the rest of my life. :) and all it took was cutting soda out, running every other day and then for the last 3 months running daily and keeping a food journal. Figuring out that I was MSG sensitive, and learning that basically everything I liked at fast food places has msgs probably helped a ton too. I am pretty satisfied where I am right now, I just need to make sure that I don't let things go ever again.

Aug. 7th, 2012


(no subject)

hmmmm, since that Purchasing Agent job fell through, sounds like B is planning on heading to TX some time in sept w/Jim or near dad. He is making phone calls to get the hell out of WV one way or another. The PA they put in is a cocky kid that got the job by being someones kid (we refer to it as the FBI--- friends, brothers and inlaws) and that has really pushed B over the edge. He already hates it up there, but if he was going to be making real money then it was worth it. Between the Cushing to Texas xl getting ready to kick and the higher scale, at this point thought heading wast really is the only thing that makes sense.

It will take a few weeks to figure out the details but we are crossing our fingers that he will have at the very least the week before and after labor day off to come home for a little vaca. We will be minding our pennies, so nothing special, but camping around here and just being together for a while sounds divine. lol, not to mention I will get my volvo back. :p

But it does kinda mess with the start of school. lol, it sounds very much that I will be waiting until the day I have picked to start (the 20th of aug) to see if we should start that day or wait till B goes back to work. Thank goodness we home school and can shuffle these things around as needed. 

idt I will have a chance to go up north at all this year though... that does make me pretty sad. Every year of Ella's life we have had the chance to spend at least 2 weeks together, thanks to Ivy coming down a few times, and me going up, and it feels a little like I am betraying her and the girls by not coming this year. We still have a few decent weather months left though, and if everything goes smoothly it may still work out, but I am not holding my breath. :(  I want some new penny snuggles too.

My Great Aunt Bessie is stopping by tonight on here way to load up her things in GJ to move back to OK. I havent seen her in a zillion years, so I am nervous excited. She was always my favorite of my grandma's sisters, and the most accepting of them all, so it will be fine, I just get this way when I havent seen people in a long long time (like well over a decade. I have been trying to think of it and I must have been 16 or so? crazy). Her grandson, who is my age, is driving her down and I offered them to stay the night here so they wouldn't have to get hotel rooms. lol, I hope the boys can tone down their *oh hai, new people! let's be asses!* tendencies.

My FIL is still going down hill... :( It really doesn't sound good at all and I have no idea how to talk to the boys about it.... I do not want him to pass without them knowing it is possible, but I also do not want them to worry about it. They have faced so much death in their lives, it just really isn't fair... So instead of bringing it up I do what I do best, and pretend nothing is happening outside of our little bubble. :\ not helpful or healthy...

Aug. 3rd, 2012


(no subject)


We really cannot seem to catch a decent break. Long story short: B's project manager was giving B the purchasing agent job as the current purchasing agent was leaving to work at a new company (that PM was starting). Corporate got wind that PM was starting a new company, while still on their payroll, so corporate came down and fired everyone on the spread in management and said *whatever was promised was promised under false pretenses, we are bringing these guys in to run this site*. So B is back to the yard. 

idk, I am trying to remind myself that his job is a good one, we should be happy he is working, but that motherfucking carrot keeps being dangled, we keep getting excited and the fuckers pull it away again. and again. and again...

It really doesn't help that he is all the way in WV, scale there is kinda on the low side, and we are just now breaking through all the shit that being unemployed for the better part of a year brings. And we miss one another, his dad is still horribly off, and we've both been teetering on the edge for too long. 

 Hopefully something kicks soon in the west. Sounds like the XL may be kicking in Oct, and it kinda sounds like he may end up in Oklahoma if it does. OK is so much easier to get to than WV, so fingers crossed. But with the pipeline you never know until the machines are rolling... I mean this line was supposed to kick in Jan, didn't, and so began the year of suck. 

oh, Year of Suck. It really isn't fair that you are treating us this way. lol, Maybe this is what the Mayans were really referring to. 

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